Awww

You may have been wondering how to create the cutest thing in the whole world and I just found out, so I thought I'd let you know.

Here's what you need:

1. A drizzly day
2. A preschool class
3. A small field trip
4. The buddy system, reinforced by hand holding
5. A brightly-colored rain slicker for each child
6. The hood of each slicker decidedly up

Then you just stand about a block away and view the procession from behind. Voila.

Operation Flush Em Out

I am in the bathroom stall at work. On top of the toilet paper dispenser there is a green plastic soldier who seems to be crawling toward me stealthily and painfully. With his belly flat on the ground and his assault rifle held aloft he can use only his feet and elbows to propel him forward. I don't know where the rest of the platoon is, but he seems determined to carry out the mission alone. I anticipate the toilet will be a US territory by dawn.

Postcard

A young friend of mine who is a funnier writer than I am sends me this email message, an excerpt of which I am quoting here entirely without her knowledge or permission. Shhhh. Don't tell anyone.

"i'm in norway. so that's truly where the cool kids are. and the babies. and the large stacks of meat. and the cheesecakes with neon yellow grape studded jello. and the bracelets about christ. see what i mean? tomorrow we go to the graveyard and the mall. yesterday was my grandpa's 80th birthday party. highlights included my 9-year-old cousin singing a pop song about jesus, and a rather elderly man giving an exceedingly long speech about sheep (and no, the sheep were not a metaphor)."

New knowledge

A woman came to school to speak about her work in Zimbabwe. Here are two things I've learned.

1) Many men in Zimbabwe have exciting names. Among them, Jealous, Xmas, July, Doubt, Aloicious, and Blessing.

2) If you have a garden in Zimbabwe, it is likely that elephants may wander in to snack on it. This sort of puts the wandering deer of my childhood into perspective.